Dirty Harriet Discovers Porn By Dirty Harriet

The first time I watched porn was with Mike, my… well, friend with benefits is probably the most accurate description. He was my ex-bestfriend’s ex-boyfriend. His cock was the first I ever sucked. Mike’s best friend Dave’s was the biggest cock I’ve ever seen in my entire life, and I sucked his cock too.

That makes it sound like I’m a bit of a slut, but I never had sex with either of them. More by Dave’s choice than mine, I would have fucked that boy until I couldn’t walk, but the complicated relationship I had with Mike put a stop to that.

I headed round to Mike’s house, where we normally engaged in oral activities, and the boys were both in Mike’s bedroom watching porn when I walked in.

To be honest it wasn’t quite what I’d expected.

I’d interrupted the boys as they wanked and watched porn on Mike’s laptop, and although they slowed what they were doing they never stopped. I waited a couple of minutes while they slowly wanked and watched and looked at me.  And then I shrugged and sat with them and watched as this poor girl was fucked in the mouth, in the pussy, in the arse and then the pussy and mouth, and arse and mouth, and pussy and arse, and basically every filthy combination you could think of.

It made me feel dirty to watch the sex on screen. It was kind of horny, in a strange and unnatural way that I had no control over. But it didn’t put me in the mood, if that makes sense.

The boys seemed to enjoy it, and the two well-muscled and well-endowed men on screen spunked all over the girl’s face after they fucked her raw.

At the time it seemed pretty weird for me to watch people having sex. Sitting between two horny teenagers while they wanked was much sexier to me than whatever was happening on screen. I wanked them both off, Mike’s sperm drenching my hand, and then Dave’s. Oh, Dave, I still think of that cock regularly. It wasn’t that it was attached to a wonderfully attractive black man, or that it was twice the size of Mike’s normal sized penis, it was the hot, fat, thick veins that made it feel alive when I took it in both hands and stroked it until it jerked and spewed his orgasm all over me. That time I asked Dave to look at me just as he was about to cum and when he did I kissed him, our lips met, parted, and his tongue entered me. That was my first time watching porn and, more importantly, it was my first proper kiss. And it was with Dave. All while Mike cleaned himself up in the bathroom.

Sadly I never got another opportunity to kiss Dave like that. I would have loved to have kissed every part of him, but he dumped me a few weeks later. We weren’t even going out and he dumped me, the bastard.

The next time I watched porn was at University. My roommate, Jamie, was a lovely girl, but she was a massive lesbian and a complete perve. I couldn’t even remember the number of times she asked if I wanted her to lick me out, if I’d like to try lesbianism, or if I wanted her skilled fingers to make me cum. Sometimes I wish I’d started my lesbian adventures with Jamie, but it wasn’t to be. A young man by the name of Ben got in the way, love and all that kind of stuff. So, Jamie never got to taste the delights of my pussy and I never got to have her tonguing my vagina.

But Jamie was responsible for my interest in porn. You see, apart from offering me all manner of lesbian action, she used to study, and I really do mean study, all kinds of lesbian porn. And one morning she rushed out of our dorm room, heading to her lecture, grabbing her bag and a bagel on the way and she had left her laptop on, with a full screen of these two beautiful girls kissing.

I rubbed my eyes and it took me a moment to realise it wasn’t her screen-saver and the two girls were touching, caressing each other while they kissed.

I groaned, turned the other way, but I could hear the soft moanings of lust from Jamie’s headphones on the desk. It was like listening to lovemaking in the room next door. Soft, muted, but definitely there.

Ignoring it wasn’t going to work. Already the soft sounds of murmuring, the gentle moans, the heavy breathing, the delicate sexy eastern European accents. It was so much sexier than the brutal, raw fucking of the porn I’d watched with the boys just a few years ago.

So I turned back to look.

They were in a beautiful gazebo, surrounded by pretty flowers.

The brunette was peeling the blonde’s shirt off. They both looked like high-class waitresses, in tight white shirts that were a little too small, and one wore a tight pencil skirt that would be almost impossible to walk in, if she’d been able to walk with her six-inch stiletto heels. The brunette was in a mini-skirt was the gusset of her black lace knickers clearly visible. They were both beautiful.

I vaguely recognised one as Eve Angel, from a poster Jamie had on her wall. I didn’t recognise the blonde.

Eve kissed the voluminous breasts of the blonde, who arched her back in pleasure, her fingers reaching between Eve’s legs and stroking against the delicate fabric barely hiding her modesty.

They kissed again, their soft lips meeting, their tongues poking out of their mouths to gently touch and lick each other.

Then the blonde opened Eve’s shirt, releasing two perfect, natural breasts. No bra. The nipples pointing up into the blonde’s face and she took one in her mouth, gently squeezing the other breast, and Eve’s mouth twisted in pleasure and she gasped.

I couldn’t help myself, I threw off the bed covers and sat at the desk in my pyjamas.

I gingerly put on the headphones and the soft moans and gasps of pleasure were suddenly diving straight into my head. Every soft moan, every groan of ecstasy sending ripples of enjoyment through my body.

My right hand slipped between my legs, beneath the fabric of my loose pyjama bottoms. The flesh hot and soft, my fingers brushing through my soft pubic hairs and continues down.

On screen the blonde is now on her knees, Eve’s tiny skirt hiked up to her hips. Her legs look beautiful in stockings and garter-belts. The gusset of her lace knickers pried aside and the blonde’s tongue flickers at her clitoris.

Eve’s cries of joy and bliss are sending hot peaks of pleasure through my blood, and my fingers dance across the lips of my labia. I can’t control myself, my pleasure is Eve’s pleasure. The blonde’s fingers explore beside her lapping tongue, and I want to feel that too. Eve looks at the camera and as she is looking at me, my finger enters my vagina, my thumb presses against my clitoris, and my left hand also goes inside my pyjama pants.

A finger explores Eve’s pussy onscreen. My left forefinger enters my vagina, my right hand flickers across my clitoris, flicker, brush, flicker, press.

Already I’m breathing heavy, as is Eve on screen. Her friend’s head is buried between her thighs, licking, lapping, fingers exploring, spreading the moist flesh and exposing Eve’s bud.

Eve’s head rolls, she squeezes her left breast with one hand, her right hand pushing the blonde’s head deep between her legs.

Her hips arch, her back arches, she grinds against her friend’s mouth. Eve’s mouth opens gasping.

I’m gasping, two fingers inside me, my right hand skipping across my clit, brushing, rubbing, touching, flickering.

Eve’s panting is getting louder, I know mine is too although I can’t hear it outside of the headphones.

I lick my lips as the blonde takes a momentary break and pushes another finger inside Eve who groans, twisting her leg and lifting it over the blonde’s shoulder. The blonde dives back in, her chin wet with saliva and love juice.

I wish I could taste it.

I push another finger inside me, feeling the stretch and enjoying it. Feeling full, feeling satisfied. I press harder against my clitoris, fingers skipping across it with increasing rapidity.

Then suddenly I’m there, the build up peaking immediately, and lustful pleasure flooding me. My tightening vagina pushes out my wet fingers, my clitoris explodes with ecstasy, sending surging ripples of pleasure through my hips and thighs, down my legs to dissipate and I gasp, pulling off the headphones and dropping them on the desk, realising I’ve cried out in joy and suddenly aware I’m in a dormitory filled with people and thin walls.

On screen Eve cries out in pleasure and I press the pause button, her beautiful face on screen twisted in delight.

I pant a little, decide to ask Jamie if I can borrow her laptop later, kiss the screen and Eve Angel’s beautiful lips, and decide that may be porn isn’t that bad after all.

Dreaming of Jolene By Steve Slavin

Let me tell you just one thing about me: I have always been – and always will be – a strictly heterosexual male. End of story!

You’re probably wondering why I find it necessary to make this statement. Well, back in the eighties and nineties, no one needed to say that. You were a guy, you were a girl, or maybe you were bi. That was it! You had three choices – not a whole fuckin’ menu!

But today? Shit! I mean the definitions and sexual identities keep changing every couple of months. Which, I happen to think, is complete bullshit. I’ve always looked at it this way: You’re either straight or you’re not. End of argument. Finito!

Yeah, yeah, yeah – I know what you’re thinking. Who is this ignorant, completely out of touch schmuck?  Am I right? And you probably think I’m some old dude who can’t stop blabbing about the good old days.

Whatever. I always thought fifty was old – so I’ve still got a couple of years to go.

Look, I’m sorry I got into all that shit, but if you’re going to understand what happened to me, then you need to know exactly who I am – and what turns me on. OK?

What I’m going to tell you all happened exactly ten years ago, almost to the day. It began on a Thursday night. I was living on the Upper Westside, and early one evening I saw this hot-looking chick in the supermarket. I could see that she was interested when we smiled at each other.

She was about as tall as I am, which is unusual for a girl. That’s because I’m a shade over six feet.

I used to have a friend who wrote a book to help singles meet in the city. Her theory was that if a person was attracted to you, you could say anything, and they would respond.

“Come here often?”

She laughed. “Is that the best you can do?”

“Look, I have this friend who wrote a book about meeting people.”

“And did your friend suggest that line?”

“Well, you’re talking to me, aren’t you?”

We both laughed. Then I said, “I am so attracted to you!”

“Really?” she said.

“Well, yeah. Or else, why would I make such a complete fool out of myself?”

“You tell me!

“So, can I have your phone number?”

“You know what?” she said. “Maybe it’s better that we just have our fantasies.”

You are my fantasy!”

Exactly! And I could never live up to that.”

“Maybe our reality could be even better than our fantasy.”


“Look, I’ll bet you’re as attracted to me as I am to you.”

“What makes you think so?”

“Because you’re still talking to me.”

“Point taken.”

“I’ll tell you what. I live just a few blocks from here. Come back to my place and I’ll fix you dinner.”

“Very smooth.” We both laughed.

“Look,” she said.  “I’ll tell you what: Here’s my card. I’ve got some stuff to do now. Why don’t you come over in a couple of hours?”


 “OK, but remember what I said. Fantasy is better than reality.”

“I’m going to prove you wrong.”

# # #

I glanced at her card on my way home. Her name was Jolene – and she was an art therapist — whatever the hell that meant.

The only time I ever heard of that name was in a movie I had seen years ago. The actress who played Jolene was maybe semi-attractive and pretty flat-chested.

But I loved the name. And my Jolene was the opposite of flat-chested. And she had very long, light brown hair. I supposed that in the sixties she would have been called a “hippie chick.”

She had high cheekbones, big brown eyes, and a great smile. When she smiled, you smiled.

Jolene had long legs that looked like they never quit. You want a fantasy, Jolene? I’ll tell you mine. I wanted those long legs wrapped around my head. But I’ll bet she already knew that. And I’ll bet she also knew a lot of other things.

# # #

Two hours later, I rang her downstairs bell, and she buzzed me into the building. When she invited me in, she gave me a light kiss on the lips. I was smart enough not to push it.

We sat at her kitchen table drinking tea. We talked and talked and talked. And finally, we started to make out.

Slow and easy, I thought to myself. We had all the time in the world. But I had this huge erection and I knew that she could feel it. We must have been kissing for at least half an hour. Then she said, “Look, John, why don’t we continue this tomorrow night?”

I just looked at her. I couldn’t believe that she was going to send me home with the worst case of blue balls. Very, very reluctantly, I began to disengage.

She took my face in her hands. “We both have to go to work in the morning, and it’s already past midnight. But tomorrow’s another night.”

Maybe she was right. And besides, horny as I was, I was in this for the long haul. Didn’t mama say there’d be nights like this?

So I limped the eight blocks back to my apartment and within a few minutes I was dreaming about Jolene. This time we went a lot further.

On my way to work, I laughed thinking about what Jolene had said about fantasy and reality. I could hardly wait to see whether or not she was right.

We had a date for eight p.m. I brought her flowers. She put them in a vase. Five minutes later we were rolling all over the floor making out.

Soon I was humping her with my thigh. She arched her back and I could feel her shuddering. This was going to be easier than I thought. If I could do this to her with my leg, then just imagine how hard I would make her cum once I was inside her.

Our tongues were practically entwined. I thought she was actually going to deep throat me. I don’t know where she learned to kiss like this, but she knew a hell of a lot more than I did! Teach me, Jolene, teach me!

I had never been so aroused in my life. Now we were lying side by side. She was stroking my cock through my pants and I was fondling her breasts through her bra. As much as I wanted to take things to the next level, I think I could have just kept doing what we were doing forever. This was, by far, the best sex of my life, and I was barely at second base.

I was smart enough to know that she needed to be in control, so I let her move things along at her own pace. Soon she unzipped my fly and reached in.

Now she had complete control. She had her tongue in my ear and my cock in her hand. She wasn’t giving me any choices. In less than a minute she made me cum.

After we caught our breath, she kissed me and said, “There’s something I need to tell you.”

I just stared at her.

“I can’t sleep with you right now.”

I just starred. I didn’t know if I was mad or sad – or maybe both.

“It’s a physical thing. I’m not physically capable of having sex right now.”

“Are you ill?”

“No, not exactly.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Maybe another time. Maybe if we get to know each other a little better.”

“OK. Look Jolene, I want you to know something. You are the most exciting woman I have ever been with. I don’t know what’s wrong with you, but I really, really like you.”

“I know that, John. I know that.”

“Can I stay over? We can just hold each other. I’d really like to do that.”

She kissed me. “Maybe soon, John. But not tonight.”

I helped her up, and we kissed good night. By the time I got down to the street, I was thoroughly confused. What was wrong with her? Was she dying? Did she have a social disease?

As I walked, I considered a few more possibilities. And then I began to wonder what was happening to me. Look, I was thirty-eight years old, and maybe for the first time in my life I was actually falling for somebody.

Well, I could have done a lot worse for myself. And even if we found that we didn’t have all that much in common, to paraphrase that old Captain and Tennille song, “Sex will keep us together”.

I’m not a very patient guy, but I was willing to wait till Jolene was ready. I knew I could trust her. No matter what – I’d do whatever she wants. Isn’t that what love really is?

I wanted to tell her that even though we barely knew each other, I would be there to help her with whatever she was going through. I mean, isn’t that how you know who your friends are?

Even though we had only just met– and we had not yet been intimate – I felt I already knew her body better than any other guy she had ever been with. And even though we hadn’t actually “done it”; it still was, by far, the most exciting sex I had ever had.

I could stop looking. No other woman could come close. Ladies and gentlemen — I have an important announcement. My search is over: We have a winner!

When I got home there was one message on my phone. I was hoping that it was from Jolene, but it was from my friend, Larry.

He and I were basically party friends – not real friends. We partied together, occasionally talked on the phone, but never just got together.

It was too late to call him back, so I went straight to bed. Needless to say, I dreamed of Jolene.

When I woke up I decided to call Larry, and then Jolene. Maybe she would agree to see me tonight. We had not yet gone out on a real date. The only problem was what happened later. Maybe I could just walk her to her door and say good night. Fat chance!

So I reached tor the phone and called Larry. He probably wanted to tell me about some party. Well Larry, I hate to tell you, but my partying days are over.

When Larry picked up he got right to the point. “John, I heard you’ve been seeing someone.”

Wow! News travels fast! How did you even hear about us?”

“You know the old grapevine.”

“So you know her?”

“No John, not directly. But I know a couple of guys who do know her.”

“Are we talking about the same girl? Her name’s Jolene.”

“Same girl.” There was something in his voice I didn’t like. He seemed to have taken on the tone of a funeral director. I was beginning to get the impression that just maybe it was my funeral.

“So Larry, what’s the story?”

“In a word?”


“John, you better sit down.”


“Jolene’s a guy!”

I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t say anything. My stomach was going through violent contractions. I was having a very bad case of the dry heaves.

Larry must have been able to hear me. He kept asking if I was OK.

It took me about half a minute until I could gasp, “No, not really!”

He then patiently explained everything. It turned out that Jolene was a pre-op guy waiting to have a sex change operation.

“You mean they haven’t cut it all off yet?”

“You got it!”

“Holy fuckin’ shit!”

“Yuh can say that again! So John, let me ask you a question.”

“The answer is ‘No!’”

“No, you didn’t fuck her?

“Larry: stop and think! If I had fucked her, you don’t think I would have noticed something?”

“Yeah, that’s true. So John, why are you so upset?”

“You want to know why I’m upset? I’ll tell you why I’m upset! I’m upset because never in my entire life did I ever meet someone so beautiful, so sexy, so sensual, such an unbelievable turn-on.”

“Yeah, so what’s the problem?”

“You wanna know the problem, Larry? I’m the problem! I just can’t do it!”


No! I’m a guy! And Jolene – well she’s a guy!”

“John, you just said you practically love her. And after she has the operation, she will be a woman. If you’re so fuckin’ attracted to her now, then just think how attracted you’ll be once she’s all healed.”

“Larry, listen to my words: I’m a guy. And operation or no operation she’s a guy! End of story!”